COMPLICATIONS (Episode 1)

HAPPY NEW MONTH FRIENDS. I am using to this month to get back to my hobby (writing). I had pondered seriously on what to do to rejuvenate my lost appetite, so i thought about doing a series. I just want to try my hands on PROSE. I called this short story:  “complications”. Let’s see how it goes. Please don’t forget to drop your comments. Cheers!

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COMPLICATIONS

By Onyekaba N. Charles

EPISODE 1

Bang! Bang!! Bang!!! the knock on my door sounded just as i was about to press the call button on my phone. I had wanted to call “Shantel” to ascertain where exactly my supposed visitor was. In fact, i was pondering if she was already on her way, only for my thoughts to be interrupted by the bang on the entrance door that leads to my 3-bedroom apartment. I had just finished taking my bath and had just my boxers on. So i needed to cover my bare chest before checking who it was. I quickly dropped my phone on my reading table, stood up and took some few steps towards my left to my elegant wardrobe. As i was putting on my one of my BYC underwear shirts,  i noticed that  the frequency of the knocks had already multiplied that as i made my way out of my room to the dark lobby that connects my scarcely-furnished sitting room, my thoughts could not help but to wonder who could be at  my door.

Shantel is my ex-girlfriend. We met online four years ago and started dating two years later after two adventurous years as friends. In all the years of my close association with her, I never knew her as someone who is vocal or aggressive. On the contrary, she is too gentle to a fault. She had always appeared to me like someone who is humble, intelligent and level-headed. In fact, she truly was!,  at least, while our relationship lasted. Sometimes when I think of her, I still could not believe we had gone our separate ways. She was every man’s delight and we were so fond of ourselves that none of us envisaged that a day like this will come when we will refer to each other as “ex’’ . To make matters worse, we have not even had time to sit, discuss and reflect on the circumstances that abruptly ended our relationship, partly because of the seemingly distance between us then and largely because of the perceived bitterness she still feels towards me. While chatting on blackberry messenger yesterday, we finally agreed to have a date and my house was chosen as the venue . I had tried to convince her about doing a cinema or a beach but No! Shantel is not someone for public places when there is a serious business to discuss. She had made it clear to me that she was coming for us to discuss something very important and that she would prefer we meet in my place. So i sent her my address and she promised to come today but i slept off last night in the middle of the conversation and woke up this morning not knowing when in the day to expect her.  My mind quickly drifted from her because I just couldn’t imagine Shantel knocking this aggressively on my door besides, I expect she will call me at one stage on her journey to perhaps, seek for clarity on the address I gave to her or at least tell me that she is now on her way. My mind also went to the Obi, the plumber , I had indicted him yesterday on phone for not properly fixing the leakages he worked on in my bathroom last weekend and he promised to come and re-fix it today after apologizing. Almost immediately I decided it was not him because i remembered him saying  he was coming in the evening even though i had wanted him to come earlier in the day. I checked my wrist watch and its only past 2pm. Suddenly, I sighed  as if to say I just remembered something: ‘’oh! It should be Timi’’ I heard myself saying aloud. Timi is my next flat neighbor who is hardly around. He visits Lagos say, once in a month since he was transferred to Abuja. He’s an Engineer and works for one of the big engineering firms in Lagos. He called me only two hours ago to complain that he came in last night and was knocking on my door, thinking he could see me but to no avail and I had explained to him that I had slept and couldn’t even hear him, mostly because it’s a bit of a distance between my room and the entrance door to the flat. I just remembered he promised to repeat his visit immediately he comes back home this afternoon.

‘I dey come oh Timi’ I screamed as I reached for the door. I supposed he was deliberately knocking aggressively this time in his bid to get my attention. Convinced it that it was him, as I inserted the keys i humorously said ’Timi’ na you wey won break my door? But by the time I opened the door, I was completely taken agape by who I saw.

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IF YOU ENJOYED THE STORY, JOIN ME NEXT WEEKEND FOR EPISODE 2

WOMAN RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS

By ONYEKABA N. CHARLES

Chubby, my classmate/friend then in our primary school days came from a very wealthy family in the eastern part of the country. His Dad was a very successful businessman and philanthropist. I remember how the Ezeudo’s (as they were referred to then) single-handedly bought our first school PTA bus and how chubby whose morals and generosity was very much in the same mould as that of his dad would bring enough snacks to school and distribute to some of our friends who have nothing to eat at lunchtime. Mrs. Ezeudo; Chubby’s kind-hearted and beautiful mum who normally picked them (chubby and his siblings) from school was a self employed business woman and ran an NGO for the motherless babies not too far from our school then. The Ezeudo’s were doing very well at least until when we left the school for different secondary schools after our National Common entrance. Afterwards, I completely lost communication with my friend chubby until last two weeks when we ‘bumped’ into each other at Oshodi in Lagos state. Had he not recognized me, I bet I would never have been able to do so because Chubby was a ghost of himself: rough, un-kept, pale and could easily have been mistaken for the roadside touts around Oshodi who extorts money from the ‘danfo’ buses. His pair of jean trousers where so torn that you could clearly see his dirty boxers he was wearing. I was dumb and lost in thoughts until he managed to murmur “Nnaemeka Ojukwu” _ a name only people who knew me when I was very young addressed me with (my family had since chance her surname to “Onyekaba”). He continued “it’s me Chubby………….”until I cut him short: “Chubby what happened to you?” I asked. Having noticed how surprised and embarrassed I was, he broke down in tears to the watchful eyes of passers-by. It toke me close to thirty minutes to put him together and take him to an eatery just around there for a proper chat. By now, I was very anxious to know what had turned Chubby a boy from a respectable and wealthy background into this mess. When we finally settled down at with some snacks and drinks, Chubby painfully narrated his ordeal to me. This time around, I was the one who needed “the putting together” yet Chubby was brave enough to continue with the story of how his uncles and relatives whose businesses his father had established chased them to the streets after his dad’s demise in an unfortunate car accident a year after we left primary school. According to him, their mum was deprived of everything her husband labored for and was left with nothing to take care of her young children. The harsh reality meant that Chubby had to drop-out from school and do some odd jobs to be able to support the family. According to him, he did this in Port Harcourt for a long time before he took the bold step of coming to Lagos at the beginning of this year to seek for something better.
Chubby’s story like many others is a story of Wicked Widowhood practices in Nigeria. From the shaving of the widow’s hair, to forcefully giving away the widow in marriage to the deceased’s brother, drinking of water used to bath the deceased, forceful swearing in front of deities to the complete deprivation of the properties of her late husband.
While we can argue that these practices are rare or restricted in some areas, we cannot pretend that they exist among most ethnic groups in Nigeria. It has been observed that widowhood is now been viewed in our society as: a sorid situation which merely allocates the widow a position of societal scorn, disdain and permanent membership of the wretched of the earth (Babangida, 1998). These ungodly practices are regrettable in a civilized society like ours and by all intent and standard contrary to our different religious beliefs. Thus, these practices can clearly be seen as yet another aspect of discrimination against women inspite the growing campaign of “woman right is human right”. I hereby use his day/occasion of the “International day for widows” (23rd of June, every year) to call on our the Government to: Legislate against the oppressive, injurious and degrading of widow practices in all over the country and to seriously consider the establishment of a commission for widows affairs as a way of looking into the plight of widows in Nigeria

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PICTURES: JOHN UTAKA FINALLY JOINS THE LEAGUE OF MARRIED NIGERIAN CELEBRITIES!

Super Eagles player: John chukwudi Utaka today finally joined the list of Nigeria’s married superstars in far away France. His wedding once announced on twitter by his former National captain ; Kanu ‘papillo’ Nwankwo who was present at the wedding with his beautiful wife…

See pics

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5 Women You Should Always Avoid, And WHY

Make sure you avoid women of these sorts, to stay out of trouble. I will tell you why…

Your ex-girlfriend

It’s best not to revisit a past relationship if things did not end well. Primarily because, you two were incompatible and had some serious issues, which would still be a bone of contention, if you were to get together. It’s easy to fancy an ex in a moment of weakness, especially when you are lonely, and you may choose to forget the reason why you broke up and jump back in the relationship, only to regret it.

Your best friend’s sister

Avoid getting involved with your best bud’s sister. Not only will it destroy your friendship with your closest pal, if things don’t work out, you are also likely to be at risk of being punched in the face for hurting his little sister. Also, you can forget about crying on his shoulder when things are not going great between you and his sister, as there’s a direct conflict of interest here, and he may not always choose your side.

Women who are bad news

You know that dating her can be fun, but it will get you into a lot of trouble. Always remember it’s best to be safe than sorry. Do not give into temptation or you will rue your decision for the rest of your life.

The high-maintenance gold digger

Stay away from her, unless you want savings to be wiped clear like your bank account. Not only will she expect you to splurge on her every whim, but will also pick faults with you and blame you for spending too much time at the office, ignoring the fact that you are working hard so that you two can live a comfortable life. It won’t end there, her “good friends” will encourage her to take you to the cleaners when she wants to get out of the relationship, as she is tired of it.

Your friend’s ex

If you value your friendship with your best pal, avoid dating his ex. Word will go around your circle of friends and it will do no good for your reputation. Besides, it could strain your relationship, if he has not moved on and will make things awkward whenever all of you decide to socialise with common friends.

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REACTIONS AFTER BARCA’s FALL

Is it really funny? Isn’t it a shock? Is that really the scoreline?. No disrespect to BAYERN but who would have predicted a 4-0 victory for the german giants?. See the reactions of some of my friends on BBM after the game

PAUL UDUAK MARCUS : ‘ Barca Fc officially Basket Fc’

CHI (BARDI) : ‘ Barca has been mudered’

CHUBO : Barca went to Germany FOUR NOTHING!!! Seems like Bayern & Barca swapped jerseys b4 d game began.

DONALD OMOKU : Barca no be una BIRTH RIGHT!

TEE SHOW (TOUN) : Jesu Christy….kilode nah…thankGod its just a FRIENDLY MATCH…its called German Machine…

CHIMAOBI : wetin happen na…..someone plz tell me am dreaming.

You can call them anti_barca fans but it doesn’t take away anything from the fact that barca’s performance today was woeful. MESSI was probably playing phyno’s (feat. Olamide) hit track ‘ghost mode’ while the game lasted……cheer up my barca friends. Some days are like this. Good night

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5 SIGNS YOU ARE DATING A WOMANIZER

 

Getting back into the dating game after a painful divorce is never easy, and the proliferation of womanizers looking to take advantage of your vulnerability only makes things worse. If you’re just starting to dip your toes back into the dating pool after a recent divorce, you need to be able to tell whether the guy who shows up at your door to whisk you back into the world of romance really is the Prince Charming you’ve been hoping for or if he’s simply a smooth Casanova in disguise.

 

It all starts innocently enough. You’ve just met a man who, at least on the surface, seems to be your dream guy. He’s attractive, funny, charming, successful and his smile — let alone the thought of his caress — makes you weak in the knees.You go out on a date or two, and he’s nothing short of perfect. He treats you like a queen, compliments your sense of style and tells you all of the things that you’ve been longing to hear from a guy.

So how do you know this guy’s the real thing and not just some womanizer who’s going to disappear after your first slumber party? While the only way to know for sure is to pass the test of time, here are a few red flags that would definitely indicate your new man’s a womanizer:

1. He has a reputation. If your girlfriends have warned you that he uses women and throws them away, you need to listen to them and know he’s most likely a womanizer. Granted, there’s a small chance that you are the woman who can change him, but even if you do, you’ll just wind up spending the rest of your relationship worrying he’s going to revert back to his old womanizing ways. It’s very likely a guy like this will.

2. He moves fast. Before you’ve even had a chance to meet his friends and family, he’s telling you that you’re the woman of his dreams and he’s been waiting his whole life just to find you. While this is certainly exciting and thrilling, how could he possibly know that this quickly? It’s much more likely that he’s just in love with love (best case), or he’s just trying to get one thing from you (you know what it is). And this womanizer wants to reach his goal as soon as possible.

3. He’s over the top with the romance. We all love romantic gestures, whether it be a hand-written poem or a bouquet of flowers delivered to our desks at work, but if your guy constantly wants to jet you off to the islands for a romantic weekend or often surprises you with lavish jewelry, then he’s most likely had plenty of practice. While you might be thinking that you’re just graciously accepting his gifts, to him, these come with expectations on your part.

4. He only has eyes for you… and anything else in a skirt. If you notice that your guy is checking out other women, or worse, flirting with the waitress, hostess, barista, etc., then he’s most likely a womanizer. As he’s telling you how beautiful you are and that you’re exactly the type of woman for him, he’s already thinking about how the woman that just walked by fits the same description. He’s not lying — the womanizer feels this way about every woman that strikes his fancy — you just happen to be part of the (very populated) crowd.

5. He seems too good to be true. He’s just a little too smooth, a little too charming, a little too perfect and that little voice in your head is telling you he’s done this before, probably many times over. While you may be tempted to ignore that nagging little voice and head upstairs to his apartment, just know that your instincts are more attuned to the situation than you think. It’s likely that as he’s telling you over coffee that he has a busy day ahead and can’t spend more time with you, you’ll be hitting yourself wishing you had listened to your gut last night.

Of course, this isn’t an all-inclusive list, nor should any of these traits be considered an immediate deal breaker. However, if any of the above are hitting close to home, your best bet is to take things slow and see if your guy survives the test of time. True womanizers rarely can.

What’s your thought? Drop a comment please.

LEAKED JOB TEST (Funny)

Been away for so long but sorry, I am returning on a hilarious way.

Now, see if you can score atleast 75percent in this test.

TIME : 1hr 30mins

SECTION A
Attempt all questions (all questions carry equal marks)

1. What are the names of the 2 people holding hands when you put on a Nokia phone?

2. If the past tense of toke is take, what is the past tense of make?

3. Which university in Nigeria has the highest number of female blackberry users?

4.Is Buhari a friend to obasanjo on Facebook?, if yes, why? And who sent the request?

5. If the cost of moi-moi is #10.50, what is the cost of moi?

SECTION B

1. Between Nigeria police and Nigeria girls, who like money more?

2. Using the almighty formula, calculate the diameter of elegushi beach. (Take pi as 3.142)

3. If ADA is a girl and OBI is a boy, who is ADAOBI?

4. If your X boyfriend/girlfriend wins #50,000,000 on ‘who wants to be a millionaire after you broke up, find the value of X?

5. If Goodluck takes 1 hour to deliver a short typed speech in a national conference, how many days will it take patience to deliver same speech on same occasion?

SECTION C: THEORY

1. Tuface was give a Prado and Ferarri on his traditional wedding and white wedding respectively. There is a likelihood that Timaya has gone ahead to print his wedding invitation cards without an available bride. DISCUSS

2. Write an essay of 1500 words on ‘my oga on the top’

Thanks and Goodluck. Remember no cheating/laughing/side talks.

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REALITY CHECK: “YOUR OGA IS NOT AT THE TOP”

BY BLOGGER

If you have been on Twitter, BBM or Facebook or any other social media, you would have noticed that the last three days have been fascinating, hilarious, humorous and perhaps controversial. In a week people should have discussing about the indicting dress sense of some of our celebrities at the African magic viewer’s choice award (AMCVA), the shameful news of presidential pardon for some of our corrupt politicians, the continuous boko-haram menace or even the emergence of the new pope, it was Mr. Obafaiye Shem (a Lagos state commandant of the Nigerian security and civil defense corps.: NSCDC) who gave us something to cheer about and ponder on.

Like many Nigerians, I had missed the live interview and so was lost when I saw ‘#my oga at the top’ trending on twitter until my friend (Paul Marcus) sent me the shameless and embarrassing video of Mr. Obafaiye’s interview on channel’s breakfast television programme where he clearly displayed a rather shocking and worrisome knowledge of an organization he works for everyday. For who knows how long? To think he was invited as a representative of NSCDC to defend the allegations of job racketeering in the commission makes the matter more doleful. I hope you won’t ask me who smuggled him into NSCDC? Don’t worry, “his oga at the top” will answer that.

Clearly, the aftermath of that interview and social media take-over of the events that followed justified comments I made in my article (http://dailypost.com.ng/2013/03/09/onyekaba-charles-happiness-is-truly-a-choice) last week on Nigerians as people who can easily make happiness from sad circumstances. As I write this, I have seen so many “my oga at the top” customized shirts, musical videos and audios, ‘photo-shoped’ images and many creative jokes that I am beginning to get worried that we might quickly forget the reality this shameful incident beams its searchlight on. Some of them are:

That most of our leaders are not just corrupt but incompetent and not even proficient enough to be where they. How else do you want to explain that a man provide basic information about where he works?
That getting jobs in Nigeria are hardly on merit these days. Jobs are no longer gotten on a credible ‘CV’ but on a “who you know” basis. Ask NSCDC how they have been recruiting their staffs? Or haven’t you seen secretaries at big firms who can hardly spell their names?
That internet is not free but knowledge is free. How do we explain that in an era referred as ‘the internet age’ our dear commandant can give a web address as: “ww.nscdc (*wink*) datsall?

Finally, while expressing my sympathy to Mr. Obafaiye for willingly presenting himself a “subject of ridicule, I will also use to medium to advise him to look for his oga beside or behind him because the only “oga at the top” is God almighty whose grace we seek to make Nigeria a better place.

Charles N. Onyekaba is an Architect and an author. Contact him at onyekabaeme@yahoo.com or http://www.charleyrosu.wordpress.com

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Photo: Nigerian Woman mysteriously Found Dead

 

 

 

 

 

 

Circumstances surrounding the gruesome murder at her residence at 15, Adams street, Adua Ijaiye, Ojokoro Local Council Development Area, were still hazy at press time as her husband, Mr. Smart Ihaza, said he had no hand in her death.

According to the husband of the deceased, on 7 March, 2013 at about 12.56 p.m. he spoke with his wife on her phone, saying on getting home at about 5 p.m.

He met the door locked as usual and he called his wife on phone which rang severally but she did not pick the call.

Thereafter, he said he went and checked on her at her friend’s house and he was told by her friend that they both came back from church a while ago.

Narrating further, Ihaza said since he could not gain access into his apartment, he went and spent the night in a hotel.

He said that the following day, he called neighbours and a welder to assist them cut the padlock of the entrance door and as soon as he entered inside, he saw his wife with a broken head on the floor with blood all over.

The matter was later reported at Ojokoro Police Station where the case is being investigated. Police sources at Ojokoro Police Station are of the opinion that the husband is not telling the police the truth.

Some residents said the deceased as an easy-going woman who minded her business and always assisted anyone in need.

“She was a nice woman who went about her business. She could go hungry just to make sure someone else ate. Whoever killed her will never know peace until he/she confesses,” said Iya Bose, thje deceased woman’s neighbour.

Another neighbour, Mary Oyebuchi, described her death as a great loss to the community, saying Gift had touched so many lives in positive ways.

“We have lost a great woman in this our community. She was someone who put smiles on the faces of everyone around. We will all miss her in this area,” she said.

How I Sold My Virginity For N10,000

 

I still remember that very cold night of September 1, the day I decided to sell my body even though I claim to be a born again Christian. I did that because I was tired and frustrated about my father’s constant nagging because I was still single at my age.

He made it look like a sin to be single. His constant nagging made me feel that God had forgotten about me after all my years of serving Him. It was frustrating still being a virgin and single at the age of 36. However, I sold my virginity to a man I don’t know, for a common N10, 000. If only I had remained just a little more patient at that time I would have married my God ordained husband but I thank God for giving me a second chance.

As a growing young woman, I had how I wanted my life to play out. For me, I should be married at the age 25 to the most loving and wonderful man on earth and be done with child bearing at age 30 or 31 and watch my children grow up with me.

But like the saying goes, man proposes but God disposes. I became a born again Christian in my second year at the University of Lagos. I was so deep into Christianity that all I had time for were church programmes and my books. I had some ‘brothers’ who liked me but then I was not interested in men because I felt they would be a distraction as I wanted to focus on school and God alone.

I am the eldest of four children, three girls and a boy. Our mother died about seven years ago and we were left with our father. The truth be told, I am the only Christian in my family, the others hardly go to church but it seems everything moved on fine for them except me. My two younger sisters got married to responsible and wealthy men while I was still praying to God to give me a husband.

I had moments when all I did was to cry myself to sleep because of my father’s attitude towards me regarding marriage. I had ‘brothers’ from church who asked for my hand in marriage but the problem was that they all wanted to go to bed with me first but that was not what I wanted. My father believed that I was still single because of my rules and standards; hence he decided to frustrate me.

Sometimes, when I get home from church, he would ask the gateman not to open the gate for me which means I had to go and sleep at any of my sister’s place. Sometimes once I get home especially from church, he would say, “Abigail, so where is the man you came home with? You carry the Bible everyday yet you are not married.

You sister’s who do not even go to church are married so what is the essence of carrying a Bible every day? You better ask your sisters how and where they got the men they got married to from so that you too can toe that path. It got so bad that he complains about whatever I do and this really worried me. One day, precisely September 1, I took a rather drastic decision which I still deeply regret.

I said to myself, “What has serving God and being a virgin at my age benefitted me? I am still single and my father is frustrating and making a mockery of me. I am tired. It is all going to end this night, I want to be wayward tonight,” I murmured. That night, I lied to my father that I was going for a vigil; he looked at me from headto- toe hissed and walked away. I found myself in front of a brothel with some other girls as my heart was beating so fast. In less than 20 minutes, two men arrived in a jeep and one said he was interested in spending the night with me; he introduced himself as Gabriel while the other man sat quietly as if he was disgusted with what his friend was doing.

He later introduced himself as Robert. Initially, I was so scared but after we talked for a while, I followed them to their room. Gabriel proposed to pay me N10, 000 and I agreed. When we got to the hotel, it was obvious that they had just come into the country. I spent the night with Gabriel in his room and he was surprised that I was a virgin. He asked me my age and I told him.

He shocked me when he said, “If at age 36 you are still a virgin, then, you should have had more patient and waited till your wedding night instead of giving it away to a total stranger and for a mere N10,000.” Tears dripped down my cheeks as if a sword was being used to pierce through my chest. “Abigail, the truth is that no matter what you are passing through in the hands of your father, you should have exercised more patient.

But the truth is that if I was not already married, I would have married you,” Gabriel emphasised. I left Gabriel’s hotel room feeling so sad and rejected. A week later, Hannah, my friend in church came to pay me a surprise visit at home. “Hannah, I can’t remember the last time you came to my house,” I said. She smiled and told me her brother who lives in the United Kingdom just came into the country. “My elder brother just came into the country. But Abigail what you don’t know is that I have told him a lot of good things about you.

One of the reasons he is in the country is so that he will meet you so that you people can talk. He said he is willing to settle down within three months if you agree to marry him.” At first I was happy but when I remembered what I had done, tears rolled down my eyes. For Hannah, she thought it was tears of joy that I was finally going to be married whereas for me, it was tears of regret.

Three days later, Hannah called to inform me that she had arranged for me to meet her brother in their house. I was so eager to meet him, however when I got there I prayed for the ground to open up and swallow me. I discovered that her brother was Robert and he recognised me instantly while I pretended never to have seen him. “Brother Robert, meet my friend Abigail, the woman I have been telling you about. I know you will like her,” she stressed. “I have seen this face before. Yes, she was the prostitute Gabriel picked up some days ago,” he disclosed.

Hannah tried to tell him that he was mistaking me for someone else but he was so sure of what he was saying because I didn’t defend myself. At last, I told Hannah what happened and she was so disappointed. Robert told me, “I actually came to Nigeria because of you. My sister wanted me to get married to you because she likes and admires you so much. Hannah told me, you are the best wife any man could ask for but I guess she is wrong. As a born again Christian, you should have held on firmly to God no matter the temptation,” he emphasised. He told me to go back to God and ask for forgiveness. He also opened up that he would have gone ahead to marry me if I had slept with another man but not his best friend, Gabriel who was already married. I left there in tears and shame.

Hannah told me he went back to the UK about three days later disappointed and heartbroken. Well, I know some ladies out there would have done worse than I did, but I am not judging anyone. My main concern is that parents should stop tormenting and putting pressure on their unmarried daughters because they would only push them to do unimaginable things which they later regret in life and find it very difficult to forgive them.

It took me sometime to forgive my father because I blamed what I did on him. But just as Robert advised, I went back to God and asked forgiveness and I am happy to say that God gave me a second chance at marriage. I will be getting married in a few weeks.

 

SOURCE: EVERYWHERE NIGERIA